Admitting that you’ve failed is never an easy thing to do…It’s hard enough to admit it to ourselves, let alone announce it to others. In today’s society we mainly see the major highlight reels of everyone else’s life and don’t get the excruciatingly long details about things that aren’t going so well. I’m here to put myself out there, flaws and all, in hopes that maybe someone else is feeling the same way, or could be encouraged by it, or will learn from my mistakes. (Which are plentiful!)
If you follow my Instagram you would have seen my post this past week about feeling like I’ve failed, which I want to expand more on. Last year on my journey to becoming my healthiest self yet I wrote a blog post called, “54 Things I’ve Learned While Getting Healthy.” Little did I know that I would be reading it a year later, after half-assing my last few months of my journey, and taking it in with a new perspective. I had written: “6. YOU WILL FAIL AT SOME POINT. IT’S WHAT YOU DO AFTER YOU FAIL THAT MATTERS.”
To be completely honest, when I wrote this initially my idea of failure was falling-off-the-bandwagon-for-a-weekend-failure, not my current failure of falling off the bandwagon (head first) for months. But it happened. For a long time I didn’t even own up to my shortcomings, and brushed aside something that I thought about Every. Single. Dang. Day. I pretended that things were okay when they really weren’t and imagined that I was doing better than I actually was.
I could sit here and list all of the reasons that I fell off track too, and all of those reasons would sound like just what they really were underneath their ugly disguise: Excuses. I’m not saying some of them weren’t valid, because some of them were very real to me at the time. But…instead of taking these moments and using them to learn from and grow as a person, I ended up closing in on myself and shutting things away. Slowly my insecurities worsened and I felt so far away from my goal that I let go.
This was neither helpful or fun. It’s a hard place to be in and I feel for anyone reading this and knowing they are in that same place.
To those feeling this way I say: I have good news for you. Your failures do not define you, as I had once thought. Your failure is NOT important anymore. You’ve failed, yes. Accepting that is the lowest place you’ll be in from now on because you are who you choose to be AFTER your failure. It’s what you do after your failure that matters. That is still true for me. You can fail a hundred times and still get back up. Realizing that power is the hardest thing when you are in that low place. Sometimes you don’t even see that glimmer of hope in the distance…but you have it! I have it! Thank goodness too!! I’m not even just talking about health either, it could be anything that is weighing heavy on you. My wish for you is that you start to honestly believe it <3
My personal failure was not making my health, and even my blog, two of my top priorities. I’m a planner and need goals to move forward. After realizing that I’m not living up to my own potential I started by getting my feet wet a few weeks ago with daily workouts again, however short they may be. I’m not going to lie, those first few workouts sucked BIG time. I was reminded that I needed more endurance training in my life. It was another reminder of how bad I felt…at first. Don’t let this stop you. It doesn’t end here.
By the 3rd or 4th workout I was reminded of why I cared so much about this before, and it has nothing to do with losing weight or looking good (which is nice, of course)….I remembered that I am a MUCH happier person when I get a good sweat session in. Just ask my husband! ha! I feel strong. I feel more capable. I start to feel like I can handle the curveballs life throws at me again, with more grace than before. Realizing this also helped me to remember to take inventory of the things that truly bring my joy. The other thing for me is writing and this little blog. It feels good to remember things that set your soul on fire. I’m starting to feel more like myself again. My full-hearted happy self. These are just two of the things that I need to make my life to feel like I’m living out the best version of myself.
Although, just realizing what makes you happy is the easy part for most…it’s making time to actually do it which is the tough part. I’ll tell you right now on most days I do not enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn to get a workout in. Even today there were many censored mumbles that escaped my mouth when that alarm went off. It wasn’t pretty, but once I got going I was happy that I made time for myself.
The aftermath of a morning workout outweighs the initial struggle for me to get it done. The same goes for doing blog posts actually. Yes, I enjoy it when I’m able to sit down and write, but sometimes the talk I have with myself leading up to that isn’t the happiest of talks. When I’m actually in it and doing it I feel a sense of belonging and a sense of being at the right place at the right time. Some days I feel like I have a ton of things on my plate and nothing will ever get done, and the first thing to go is time for the things that do make me happy. I realize now that I’m only cheating myself and those around me. Like I’ve said, taking the time for the things you are passionate about is the hardest thing, but it’s necessary. It’s the early mornings, the late nights, and saying no to some things that I want to do, so that I can say yes to the bigger picture.
(Side note: Figuring out this balancing act is the million dollar key. I have a very hard time with this so anyone that has suggestions, please feel free to pass them along. I’m a work in progress, as I mentioned.)
So what am I doing now that I’m starting to crawl past my failures?
I feel like I have to mention one of the big sources of motivation I’ve found in a while also, as I’m sure you’ll hear about this more and more if you follow me:
The brilliant Fit Like Flint team, created by the inspiring Rachel Flint, came up with a wonderful 3 month-long challenge that really spoke to me. This challenge is partner based, which means you win (or lose) as a team. You are directly responsible for someone else. It’s rightfully named “Swole Sisters,” which I love. During the three months you can follow whatever fitness plan that makes you happy. For me that is a mixture of my beloved Jillian Michaels Body Shred DVD’s and Fit Like Flint’s great program Battle Body! The progress for the challenge is measured solely by before and after pictures (byyeee scale!) and you get access to the most encouraging and generous group of women that I’ve ever met! We are all in this together, which is so wonderful!! For the challenge I partnered up with my long time bestie, Kellie! She has been kicking butt this last year during her own fitness journey and has always provided encouragement to me. Her Instagram is another great place to look for inspiration here: Kelly Instagram! Just knowing that if I don’t get up early for that workout or if I have that extra unplanned snack, I’m directly letting our team down has given my will power the boost it needed! Team #BabyGotRacks is going strong!! One week of the challenge down and we are both trying our very hardest! So I really want to thank Fit Like Flint and allllll of the ladies in the challenge for helping push me to be my very best self. I needed this!
Whew, to those still reading this. I love you and here’s to us making the rest of our lives the best of our lives!!! <3