Before I share this week’s guest blog post I feel the need to talk about the girl behind the article. I first met Kellie in High School where I saw her around but we didn’t talk much at first. We were in a Creative Writing class together when she wore a Hanson shirt to school (which is still one of our favorite bands) and I thought she was so brave! I shyly went up to her after class and muttered a, “I love your shirt. You are so brave!” before hurrying off intimated. Later in that same class she wrote a story where the main girl was listening to Ingram Hill…another one of my favorite bands. We’ve been best friends ever since and are actually seeing Ingram Hill together this month coming up. She’s been my biggest supporter and such an amazing friend and I feel blessed to have her on my side!! With this post she’s still proving that bravery that I saw in her from day 1 and I’m happy to share this all with you!!! Feel free to comment and share and let us know your struggles! We are all in this together! <3
Excuse Number 761
My sports bra, workout-t and pants as well as my new Nike running shoes and socks, are all laid out and ready to go! I even made a fabulous workout playlist full of energetic songs! I snap a quick picture and send it to Anna with the caption saying “Going running tomorrow. No excuses!” She happily replies with extra encouragement, “You got this Kelly!!!” followed by a huge smiley face! I climb into bed and set my alarm for an extra early time. “I’m going to get healthy. I’m going to get up and run. I’m going to finally lose some weight!” I repeat this to myself until I fall asleep!
At what feels like 2 in the blasted morning, my alarm makes that horrible noise I’ve come to hate! I roll over as my dogs spring to life wagging their tiny little tails because it’s time to get up. I look at the time on my phone. 4:45 am it says. It’s SO early. Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe I should roll back over and go back to sleep for that extra 45 minutes. No, get up and do something, I argue with myself. Once again though, giving into my laziness, I change the time on my alarm to 5:30 and drift back off to sleep.
Finally my alarm goes off and I actually drag my butt out of bed. I take the dogs out to pee, shower and start to get dressed. Looking in the mirror, I think to myself, “Damnit Kelly!! You should have gotten up and ran this morning. Your arms look like jelly and your big old tummy can barely fit in your pants anymore. You’re getting so large! Well today counted as a fail, maybe I’ll start tomorrow.”
Excuses. I am so full of excuses as to why I can’t motivate myself to exercise and start eating healthy again…The dogs need my attention, I need a few more minutes of sleep, it’s too hot outside, it’s too cold outside, I have my period this week, I’m starving and can’t eat first, I’m still so full from last night I might puke if I run, it’s going to be a long day and I’ve got to save my energy, and the list goes on and on. We’ve all got those excuses, right? So why is it that I can’t seem to figure it out again? About three years ago, a few months before I got married, I signed up for this awesome once-a-week boot camp class near my house. I was able to get down to my lightest weight, smallest waist and lowest body fat percentage since high school! I was eating well and felt absolutely great! Then we went to Jamaica for our wedding and I ate my weight in scrumptious food. It has all gone downhill since then, despite my efforts to change my life style back to what I know I am capable of.
I have tried a few tactics to try to beat my lack of motivation. I have signed up for what seemed like a nearly impossible race. Anna and I completed a 10k together back in September. I was doing so well with training at first. I bought some new shoes and clothes. I was getting my ass out of bed and I was up to running three miles without stopping. Then one week summer actually came and it was hot and humid. I decided to take a break from running outdoors. I gave running on the treadmill a shot, but man, is that crazy amounts of what seemed like extra work! So I took this break, and never started again! Somehow, maybe just from adrenaline alone, I was able to complete this race without dying and without crazy amounts of pain in the days following. We even finished the under the allotted time limit! (see Anna’s entry here about our fear of that: My Power’s Turned On)
My husband and I joined Anytime Fitness about a year ago. We were doing fantastic and going just about every night after work. I’ve always been a morning exerciser, so this was a massive challenge for me especially because I wasn’t getting home from work until after 7. We’d get home from work, change, go to the gym and then go home and make dinner. The reason we failed at this was because by the time we finished eating dinner, it was time for bed and we were over exhausted and not even getting to spend time together.
See, more excuses. I was not lying when I said that I was full of them.
As for the whole eating healthy thing…First off, I love food! I also love booze! I’ve never been a fan of the word diet. In my opinion it’s a horrible four letter word. I would rather change my eating habits to support a healthy lifestyle, rather than cut out all those delicious and wonderful foods that I love. When I had lost all the weight a few years ago, I never cut any one thing out of my diet. I used calorie counting and moderation when it came to pizza, ice cream and fried foods. I was continually making notable choices. I know myself, and I know that if I were to cut these things out, I would surely fail faster. I’ve followed the whole weekend food prep craze and made worthy choices; protein smoothies, salads and home cooked meals, the whole nine yards. I’ve got two excuses here. One being that my husband is a large man. He requires a lot more nourishment in order to function. I feel as though at times, I can eat more than him. I unquestionably should not. Excuse number two is restaurants. We enjoy eating out fairly often. I find it super difficult to make healthy selections when provided with such gluttonous choices.
The one lifestyle change that I had made back when I was “skinny” was the boot camp class. It certainly helped to motivate me. Our coach was undeniably marvelous. She took our measurements before the start of class and after. She kept us accountable on food choices. During class she was encouraging, but not overly forceful. Believe it or not, but I’m fairly shy. Going to a class like this all alone took a lot of courage for me. I was so motivated to impress our coach and the other women that had been taking it for months previously. Some of them were genuinely beasts! The wedding came and went and I didn’t resign up for this class. Then I moved away and was never able to find that right fit for me again. Living far away from all my accountability partners and work out buddies has proven to be difficult.
So what’s my point with all of this? Life is hard. Being healthy and living healthy lifestyle is difficult, demanding and takes work. There is no quick fix. There is no right or wrong way that will work for every single person. But bottom line is that you have to want it. You have to work for it. I need to find this motivation and stop making bull shit excuses. Here’s to hoping that sharing these internal struggles out loud will help me to wake up tomorrow, only a week after my last failed commitment and make this my last ever fail to being a healthier me. Sure, there will be struggles and days that just plain slip away from me. I need to let these go, stop beating myself up and learn to keep going and keep striving towards a better me. There’s always room for improvement, right?