Yes, Journey. The “Don’t Stop Believin'” kind and the traveling for a purpose kind. The particular path that I am talking about is my never-ending and steady journey to become a healthier person. To say that it’s been a struggle for me is an understatement and I hesitate to even write about it because it is so very personal. I could probably write an entire book on the ups and downs of my weight extravaganza, but instead I am going to write about how I’m feeling now in hopes that maybe someone else is feeling the same way and wants a change. I feel that I cannot call this blog “Almost Her” without showing my very flawed personality and the steps that I am making to change and constantly improve myself. I still will have fun makeup posts but I also want to incorporate this to reach out to people and hopefully one day look back and see how far we’ve come. I like to journal a lot when I’m heavily into fitness and weight loss and although I will not share everything I write with you all, this is how my new journey starts and I want you all to be there for that. Here we go:
Well, I’m back to the one place I promised myself I wouldn’t go back to. Years ago when I saw 204lbs on the scale and decided it was time to change I thought I’d never see that number again…EVER…and I kept that promise for a long time. Years even! So here we are again and I’m even heavier than before. I really do feel like I let myself down and I feel that sense of failure in other areas of my life. This isn’t just about losing weight for me anymore, it’s about my quality of life. It’s about my health. It’s about my sanity. It’s about the pieces of my personality that I feel like left me as I put on each pound. It’s about Dan and it’s about living a fulfilled life as an example to my future children. Since I gained this weight I’ve noticed several aspects of my health and mental state change. Besides no longer being able to run a distance without becoming completely out of breath, my anxiety has significantly risen. Anxiety over small things like being in public or seeing someone that I haven’t in awhile and the whole time worrying about if they noticed how much weight I gained. I don’t leave the house nearly as much as I used to. I also on occasion experience a shortness of breath and am also worried if my sizeable ass will fit in a roller coaster seat comfortably or not. I am beyond tired all of the time and have little energy to spare. My self-confidence has shrunk as my pants size grew. At events I’d normally be chipper and excited for I overthink everything to the point that I doubt every word that comes out of my mouth as soon as it’s spoken. I then retreat to inside of myself and mentally believe I’ll never be good enough. My favorite hobbies were once reading every fitness magazine and post and show and being so inspired by it! Now I have hidden things so I don’t have to think about how bad I look and how much weight I need to lose. Every happy moment that a friend captured in picture I look at with disgust and remember not of the fun moment, but of how the picture would look better if I wasn’t in it. These thoughts are consistent and overbearing. I want to trust myself again and really believe in myself. I want to do this on my own and prove to myself that I can. I don’t want these thoughts or anxieties to control me anymore. I don’t want to be tired all day. I want to be active and happy. I want to be the person that people can one day look up to. I want to be the person in the room that has such a contagious happiness that people love just being around them. I want to feel sexy again and not constantly wanting to bury myself and disappear in my clothes. I want to stand up and finally fight for myself like I’ve never fought before. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to BEAT this once and for all! I want to be happier around Dan and not project my insecurities on him. I want to be excited about working out again. I need to remember how much good it did me and how much bad it took away. I want to fall in love with cooking healthy and delicious meals again and not feel deprived. I don’t want to go back to being the old Anna again…I want to be the new and better Anna. The best me yet! And it starts with writing this down, weighing myself to face the music, strapping on my tennis shoes, and putting one foot in front of the other. Today I also purchased a new workout program in hopes of some added motivation from my favorite fitness lady, Jillian Michaels. I missed her. Time to FIGHT!
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Since this entry yesterday I did strap on my shoes and head to the treadmill for 4 miles. They were a very slow 4 miles, but I still did them! I also purchased Jillian Michaels “BodyShred” program and I’m very excited to follow that as I had success with her last program several years ago. I’m thinking about doing a future post of taking pictures of the packaging and showing people exactly what it does for me and post what I find motivating =) This was hard for me to post but I appreciate any of you that are still reading this and want to follow along or need support. My journey continues….
Also if you’d like some additional support like I need, please check out FitShaped by Kelley’s Facebook Page Here: FitShaped by Kelley. She has helped my leaps and bounds throughout the years and I’m so lucky to have her as a friend and supporter.
Also I recently made her Crock Pot Chicken Marsala to try a good and healthy recipe and I highly recommend it!!
Hope you enjoyed and feel free to leave me comments on healthy tips or things you’d like to see in my journey. Happy Friday!!!
Almost Her 
Hey girl! I just posted something similar yesterday. My weight has been up and down my whole life and I’ve promised myself thousands of times that I would get healthy. I always failed… until now. I’m determined and I can tell you are too. Good luck on your journey!
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Hey lady! I just tried looking on your page and it wouldn’t load for me, but I’ll definitely read your post when it does!! I’m happy to see there is people out there like me that have ups and downs. That’s amazing that you are determined too and good luck to you also on your journey! I hope to follow along 🙂 We got this!! 🙂
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Anna,
You are a beautiful person inside and out. I know that I don’t know you well but I do know I am impressed by. You are an inspiration for having the courage to say what others want to say and can’t. I can’t believe how much I was able to relate to the words that you posted. I am SO glad that I decided to follow this blog. Thank you for making a difference.
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Thank you Melissa!! Hearing this really gives me inspiration in turn and really does make me happy that I posted this. It’s given me a new purpose =) And I’m SO SO happy to hear that you like my blog!! That means so much to me!!
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I feel ya!! I haven’t even stepped on the scale in weeks because I just keep eating and not even going for walks a anymore.
When I first went to try on bridesmaid dresses for Tom and Tonie’s wedding, I was all ready to run and be healthy, so I bought a size smaller dress. I tried it on this morning. That baby won’t zipper. Time to start buckling down. I have three weeks to get that damn dress to zipper. It’s not just about that though. I too have realized that I feel so blah. My energy is gone. That provokes me to keep sitting on the couch, when in reality, getting my ass up will help my energy level rise as well. I don’t feel as happy as I normally project myself to be. Inside I’m so disappointed with myself.
We always say that we will help to keep each other motivated and then after a week life gets in the way. Right here right now, I vow to talk to you at least once a week about your journey. I think this will help both of us!! You are amazing and no picture I have with you would be better off with out you in it!!
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I hadn’t stepped on the scale til when I wrote this and I was also so very disappointed in myself, but no more! Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before swimming to the top! And I have so much faith in you Kellie! You are a beast and like me, you’ve done this before and I know we have it in us to do it again, except even better! And I will also check in with you! It’s crazy how many people reached out to me and said they could identify with this post, I had no idea that so many people are hurting inside. I want to lift people up with me and it starts with this! We got this! P.s. Your picture comment made me teary-eyed. lol
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Way to go on making this public! This is accountability as it’s finest. I know how hard you worked and that you were able to do this before. You can absolutely do this. I have nothing but complete faith in you and your ability. Do NOT hesitate to lean on me. I’m here for you every step of the way. I also love that your mindset is about your health and mentality, not just about how you think you look on the outside. Keep that! You are beautiful all over, regardless of what weight. Let’s get you to be the healthiest you that you have ever been & keep that going forward. ❤
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Thank you Kelley! You know I’ve told you stuff like this before, but it was tricky getting it to go public. Hearing that you believe in me helps me believe in myself! And I hope I don’t get to be too much with talking to you about it because I really want to learn from you and keep growing! It’s definitely about how I feel and how I want to get out of this more than anything else right now, so I believe I have it in me to be better than before =) I love you and soooo appreciate you!!
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If you ever want to check out a boot camp class with me in Port Washington, let me know! Mine is at 5:30 AM…but they do have later times in Grafton. I’ll admit – it’s a bit expensive, but it’s a fun group of people. The only way I can keep accountable is group exercise classes, so it works for me.
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Oooh!! I definitely like the sound of that!! Maybe when my BodyShred program is over I’ll look into joining you for accountability and to get out and about to mix it up a bit! I know that program is gonna make me super sore like the last one..haha I don’t want to look like a schmuck who can’t move haha But yes!! I love the idea of boot camp!
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I am so proud of you. It takes a strong person to talk about the tough stuff like you did. You have always been and will always be an amazing, sweet, loving, and all around wonderful person. Weight is just a number, but how we feel is the true battle. I need to build myself up to get out there and change my health too. You are such an inspiration and I related to everything you said. You got this girl!
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Aww =) Thank you Erin! I really appreciate the sweet words! How we feel definitely is the true battle and one I want to be on the right side of! I now know that I’m not alone in feeling like this, which is crazy to me. We are all in this together. Thank you for the support and reading this!!! XOXO
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I completely identify, Anna… with everything you touched on, including the anxiety. I’m out the door to the gym right now. 🙂 ❤
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This makes me so proud. You got this!!! ❤
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