I was never much of a radio talk show person until I discovered Elvis Duran and the Morning Show’s phone tap segment. There were many times that I would sit that extra minute in my car on the way to work just so I could hear the end result of a prank gone right. I can’t help but laugh at most things like that, and since laughter is the best medicine, I feel as if it’s best administered daily. After I quit my last job to work from home I stopped listening to the morning show all together in order to drink my coffee in peaceful silence to start my day. But my desire to continue on with the laughter-filled pranks was still present. About the time that the ALS Ice Bucket challenge went viral was when I really got the urge to prank someone. It turns out that my husband was the continual victim. There’s no better way to spice up a relationship than by trying to surprise the shit out of each other. We got nominated by one of our friends for the ice bucket challenge and when Dan told me he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do it I took matters into my own hands. The next morning I heard Dan turn on the shower and I knew I only had a few minutes to work. I grabbed our mop bucket and put quite a bit of ice in it. I then filled it with cold water and crept near the bathroom. I opened the door so stealthy that I almost giggled out loud at the ease of my prank. Once in the bathroom I held the bucket up and ready to discharge at a moments notice. It was now or never. In a flash I flicked open the shower curtain with my left hand and flung the water at his confused and unsuspecting body and yelled, “For ALS awareness!” I didn’t post this as a video to Facebook as others did for obvious reasons.
“Ah! Cold! COLD!” was all he managed to say as his face was still stunned and processing what had just happened. I felt like a ninja. An overjoyed ninja! Once the life came back into Dan’s eyes I quickly turned around and darted out of the bathroom as he let out a quick laugh and said, “I’m gonna get you ten times worse for this!”
A month passed and nothing. He didn’t prank me once. Within that month I had hid at the top of the stairs, in the bedroom closet, and behind doors only to jump out and scare him when he least expected it. His eyes would grow wide and he’d flinch, but he never admitted to me actually startling him. I almost stopped surprising him altogether in fear he’d remember his earlier promise to get me back ten fold. Months went by and he hadn’t even tried to get me back. Until recently.
What started as me filling up a little blue spray bottle with water and squirting Dan from an indoor-safe-distance turned into a full on water war were I was trapped between the outside of the house and bush while Dan hosed me down non-stop with our garden hose. Even when I yelled for mercy he stood unwavering and unleashed months of built up tricks in a five minute span. He didn’t even stop when the lawn maintenance company slowly drove past our house and stared from the window. I finally dove my way down to turn off the hose after trying unsuccessfully to wrestle it from him. He dropped the hose and made it back into the house before I could even finish turning it off. I sloshed my sloppy sneakers in the grass and up the porch stairs. He stood by the doorway and said, “It’s over. We’re done. Truce?” He held out his hand. I crossed my fingers with my left hand and shook his hand with my right. It’s never over.
Up until recently I had only used scare tactics with Dan, but now it was time to pull out the big guns and scare him emotionally. One not-so-special night I was winding down by taking out my contacts and washing my face in the bathroom. In the distance I heard Dan’s usual singing in a high pitched voice to our cat Sassy. That man could make a very poorly received CD compilation with all of the songs he places our cats names into. His first cover would’ve been to the tune of the song “Price Tag” but change “money” to “Simon” and move around a few words and you get, “It’s all about the Simon Simon Simon!” Or Rihanna’s “Diamonds?” “Shine bright like a Simon!” Or even his instant Christmas classic to the tune of “Silent Night” except you just sing “Sassy Pants” over and over. He even tries to hit the high notes on that one ladies and gentlemen. Though this particular night he was singing (to the distinct tune of “Scooby Doo”) “Sassy Sassy pants Sassy pants.” I stifled a laugh as I concocted a scenario in my head and just ran with it.
He was lying in bed playing with his phone after I pulled it together and entered the room. Okay, I thought, be prepared for him to be pretty mad at you.
“Dan,” I said, the seriousness in my voice even startled myself, “I need to tell you something that I don’t think you’re going to be too happy about…”
He put his phone down and sat up on the bed. “What? Just tell me,” he said.
“Okay. Just a warning that I might laugh just because it’s so ridiculous. I’m sorry,” I let out a repressed smile and half laugh.
He smirked cautiously and said, “Okay, what is it?”
“It’s not super bad. Just embarrassing…You know how you sing to the cats a lot?”
“…Yeah…” his smile dropped.
“Well, last week I recorded you singing to Sassy. I knew you wouldn’t want that on Facebook for your friends to see so I put it on Youtube and just sent it to a couple of people…”
“What? Why?” he was starting to seem slightly embarrassed. Nail in the coffin time.
“It was funny!…Well, somehow it got to 500,000 views and is growing…”
“Noooo!” Dan said with his Northern accent at full capacity.
“Yes,” I giggled.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“I can’t make stuff up like this. I mean you were all like, ‘Sassy Sassy pants SaSSY pants.’” I put my hands out like I was asking a question, stuck my belly out, and thrust my hips slightly to the left and right and said, “And you were kind of dancing like that…It’s a little embarrassing. I even got contacted by this cat food company. They want you to sing their jingle.”
“Really?!” he smiled, “No..Noooo…”
Uh-oh. He started to look happy over this. Not what I expected. I should’ve known.
“Yeah, 500,000 views and climbing. It starting to go viral. I’m surprised that no one said anything to you yet.”
“No…Noooo…” he said growing with excitement. Abort! Abort! Something that would have totally embarrassed me was something Dan was starting to be happy about.
“I’m gonna be famous!” he said.
Time to come clean.
“Aw, man. You ruined it,” I said.
“My prank. I thought you’d be all upset or embarrassed not all happy and cute. You ruined this for me,” I couldn’t help but laugh out of guilt.
“Wait. You mean you didn’t video tape me?” he sounded slightly disappointed but was still smiling.
“No. I made it up. But, you know, the fact that you believed me means you sing about the cats WAY too much.”
He laughed and then spaced out for a second, “Man, here I was thinking I was gonna be a millionare…”
“Not like that Dan. Not like that.” We both laughed.
Though, the fact that he didn’t hate that idea makes me feel like I should still record him and post it…maybe another time.
So folks! Feeling tired, bored, or just need a good laugh? Prank a spouse! Or a friend! Just make sure it’s in good fun and not too life altering. Also make sure the person you are pranking has a good sense of humor. If Dan didn’t like laughing as much (if not more) than I do, this would’ve never worked. Have fun! And if you have any good ideas for future pranks please feel free to comment down below! (Only half kidding.)